changes in 50 years

                In this chapter, it mentioned about gay and lesbian marriage.  Gay and lesbian marriage have changed a lot in the past, but nowadays, most states of United States still do not recognize same-sex marriage.  A number of United States clergy perform ceremonies to unite same-sex couples, and many states have passed civil rights laws to ensure that same-sex partners have legal rights just like heterosexual couples do.  In my opinion, gay marriage will be legal in most of the states in United States in fifty years. Since majority of gay men and lesbians seek long-term, committed relationship that are stable and enduring, just like heterosexual couples do, they should also have their right to get married.  For most of them, marriage is not an idea or goal; they want long-term commitments that are based on values that confirm with their identities. I think it is also important to have the same right as heterosexual couples.

family

                Family is very important.  It is a group of people who are related, and they care for each other.  The most common form of family involves in marriage and cohabitation.  People that get married do not always stay married.  Family members put their family in the first place for any decision makings.  Before I make any decisions, I always think about how my parents would feel about the decision I made.  I care my family a lot.  When my sister got sick and had a fever, I did not sleep, instead I was watching over her.   A family is formed by two people getting together and that they did not know each other before.  They live together and try to get used to the other half’s habits.  Conflict-habituated marriage does not fit in my definition because in this type of relationship, partners are forced to live with each other even though there is no love. 

Engaging in Dual Perspective

In page 289 of the text, it talked about engaging in Dual Perspective. Dual perspective represents an understanding of our own perspective as well as another person’s perspective, thoughts, feelings, etc.  The ability to adopt the perspective of others is central to interpersonal communication competence. From the topic that I learned in the text, I understand that dual perspective is very important in a serious romantic relationship. We should get to know someone if we really love them. It is also important to share feelings between two people in a relationship. We want to feel that he or she takes our perspective into account when interacting with us.  Both people have to get to know other very well in order to engage in dual perspective.  I understand that sometimes it is very hard to consider others feeling, but once the relationship get into the I- thou relationship dual perspective is especially important.  

Love and Commitment

I had experienced a relationship with only love but not commitment.  Love and commitment are both important to a relationship.  Commitment always comes after love.  Commitment without love would not be fulfilled.  Sometimes people get in relationships just want to get over with someone sooner.  Relationships that lack either commitment or love often do not end happily.

A friend of mine had recently experienced a relationship with commitment but not love.  At first, everything was good, but as time goes by, she started feel like he just want someone to stay with him when he is alone.  Whenever he was with his friends, he never answered her calls, but when he was alone, that was the only time that he approached to her first.  She started to think back about the words that he said to her when they started the relationship, then she realized how stupid she was for believing his words. she finally got the courage to end this relationship, but he probably did not know how much she was hurt by him.

Online relationships vs. face-to-face relationships

Everyone has a way to represent themselves.  They also act differently in front of one another and different occasions.  People always want to show their best traits to the people they love.  For example, when a person goes on a date, he/she would want to dress in their nicest shirt to impress their boyfriend/girlfriend.  Online relationships may have a greater chance of deception because the information you know and see depends on what the person wants others to know.  Often the information may not be true.  On the other hand, face-to-face relationship has a less chance of deception because you can actually interact with the person.  Face-to-face interactions help people to know more about each other.  I think online relationships cannot last very long because you have never met the person that you “dating” with.  You may not even know about the real side or characteristics about the person.   In comparison with online relationship, face-to-face relationship feels more secure than online relationship.

Friend's support

One concept that I found really interesting this week is on page 257, talking about friend’s support. In our lives, we always expected friends to support us.  There are many different ways to show support. One of the common types to show support is the relationship message, saying something like “I care about you.” We can also support our friends by listening to their problems. The more mindfully we listen, the more support we provide. After we listened, we should respond wisely. Another way we support friends by showing that they are not alone, we can say “I’ve felt that way, too” or “I’ve had the same problem,” by saying that, we signal that we understand their feelings. Availability is also another important form of support. Even if there are nothing that we can help, but it is also important for us to be with friends so that they have company in their sadness. In this section, I am very surprised that women and men tend to differ in how they support friends. Women tend to provide more personal communication than men do. They are more likely to talk about feelings, dimensions of emotional issues, and fears that accompany distress. In other words, instead of engaging in direct and sustained emotional talk, men tend to communicate support more instrumentally. 

friendship advice forum

                After I read about the advice forum, I am surprised that there are many people having trouble with maintaining the relationship with friends. People were facing these troubles in their real life, and then they hope people to give advice through the internet. From the Friendship Page, I can also tell that there are many nice people willing to give out advice about how to make friends.  I agree with the quote “Friendship is one mind in two bodies.” A true friend can actually change one’s personality. Sometimes, I realized that my best friend knows me better than myself. After I listened to my best friend’s advices, I usually will have a slightly different perspective toward things. I can learn more about how people think, I can also learn more communication skills when I make new friends. Friends do not have to be exactly the same, they have similarities but they also have their differences. We should not judge our friends, we should not only to expand on similarities but also to accept each other’s faults.